*Sigh*

So...it's been awhile. Up until this last week, not much had changed. Tom and I continued attending (and have now completed) the required 27 hours of PRIDE training through the county. We also discovered the reason we haven't heard anything from our licensing SW was because he had been on leave from an accident. So, we are still waiting on progress on that end, but at least we have done everything we can on ours. 

Today we had our first interview with the adoption agency scheduled. Tom and I spent the ENTIRE day yesterday cleaning and organizing the house. We also found a dresser/changing table on sale at Target that was perfect for the room and spent 3 hours assembling that monstrosity! But by the end of the day (10pm), the house looks amazing (clutter free even) and the baby room makes me want to cry tears of joy! Back to the point of this section...

We had the interview scheduled at 10am. I took the whole morning off work and Tom went in for a couple hours and came back home just after 10 for the interview. 10:40 rolls around and no social worker. Come to find out, we were scheduled, but our SW forgot he had us scheduled and took the day off. 

If I could only of imagined the stress and emotional turmoil this would of caused...oi! It took everything I had to not cry! Tom and I went to lunch, but as one might imagine, I wasn't feeling great so couldn't eat much. Tried to go to work, but I am just so upset, I literally feel nauseous  So, instead, I am here at home, with my laptop, working in my office (staying near to the restroom). 

I knew this process wouldn't be easy, but I had no idea it would be this hard! I now completely understand why people decide to just pay the 30k and adopt privately. Having this process be out of your hands with no set time frame and no guarantee of a permanent placement is not easy. It is so much harder than I ever imagined. 

We will still stick to it and give it a shot, but I'm losing faith that this process will work and we'll have gone through all this for nothing and still end up forking out thousands of dollars to have our family. I hope I'm wrong, but right now, it is really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.