So Emotional

Seriously, you'd think I was pregnant (but I'm not). *Sigh* I had my bi-annual with the Gyno today and seriously I was on the verge of tears the entire time. Sitting in the waiting room with all these beautiful pregnant ladies (and a few freshly birthed babies); it was seriously more than I could handle! I did tear up a bit in the exam room. Fortunately enough for me, my gyno is patient and kind and didn't judge me for it. 

I know I've said it before, but coming from "knowing" I didn't want a child for most my life to here...it is unbelievable. I can't believe I ever didn't want what I feel I so desperately need now. I remember almost feeling sorry for people who got pregnant on a whim, like they were somehow losing their freedom and lives. When in reality and I was missing it and how lucky and fortunate for them to be able to have children at will. 

I know my story isn't all that unique and there are many women out there just like me. All of whom are struggling to figure out how to handle how hard it is to want a child and not be able to "make" one naturally. I know we are fortunate to live in a country and time where we have other options. Not having those would make this so much more difficult. 

I should mention I also broke down last night while chatting with my sweet husband about this whole process. And I'm sure that this will not be the last of it. Although, it would certainly be nice to go back to not being so gosh darn emotional! Lord, could you please help with that?! :)

For now, I know I need to focus on what I have: A fantastic man who adores me, a roof over my head, food on the table, and the means to make our dreams of becoming a family a reality, even if it isn't "natural" or cheap. Thank God for blessing me so greatly. 

I know He will take care of our needs and this will all work out in the end, but for right now, I think I'm just going to have to be okay with crying randomly and being somewhat of a wreck! To all those around me...sorry!!